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Creative Voice Workshops

Public Spectacle works with survivors of intimate partner violence in local battered women's shelters to embrace creative writing as a tool for healing. Through workshops lasting up to four weeks, we provide a safe space for women to speak about their experiences, using a dynamic artistic context to tell their stories.

This poem was written by Dorothy, one of our recent participants. Dorothy is now living safely in her own apartment.

I should've just stayed

Dammit why did I leave

The fights weren't that bad

He was in love with me

Now he's gone

How will I explain to my daughter

That I'm the reason she lost her father

My heart is broken

I'm torn in two

No explanations

What the hell am I supposed to do

He was only 25

we could've worked it out

Like the time we did when he punched me in the mouth

He took the easy way out

and I hate him for it.

Love is blind, true enough

I can't call it

I'm so angry my ear is numb

I'm alone and in so much pain

I probably would have went back

I just needed time away

All I keep praying for is that my daughter doesn't hate me

Because I took her away from her daddy.

I had internal bleeding

My first child died

My face swelled up

And I sat there and lied

"Tell us what happened…"

"We can help you…"

There's a mental warfare

There's nothing you can do

I sat in the hospital

for almost a month

couldn't keep food down

just kept throwing up

Dr. said I wouldn't be able to have kids

I got pregnant twice and they both lived

We got through it

We moved on together

It's true what they say

We're not promised forever

For Better, for Worse

Till death do us part

Death was close

I was just too far.

I loved him so much

I'm sick to my stomach

I ran away

And continued running

I can't find myself

I'm lost--

I'm so deep in

I feel like I'm in deep water

drowning.

I wake up in the middle of the night

looking for him looking forward to a fight

There's one more thing I have to say

I see the calm cool face of the ocean

Calling my name.

I hate you

for the lonely nights

I hate you

for the painful fights

I hate you

for not sticking it through

I hate you

I just hate you

© By Dorthy Tramun